Some hard weeks

Budget cuts, staff changes, and difficult animal decisions have conspired to make the last two weeks very difficult.

We found out last week that Fiona is heartworm positive. Her last puppy was adopted last Saturday and so SH brought her to me at the end of the day. I just couldn't stand the thought of her alone in my office over the rest of the weekend without her babies. So I had four chocolate labs at my house - on a very wet, rainy weekend. Fiona and Georgie played and played and played. In fact it was hard to keep Georgie as quiet as he needs to be during heartworm treatment. So I've been taking her back to the office during the day so that he's not too stressed.

With the heartworm diagnosis comes the tough decision. Treat or not - spend high dollars on one animal or a few dollars on several animals. I've already committed to treating Georgie, a young male, and fostering him until he is cured and ready for adoption. Fiona is an older, female lab who has had many litters. Her chances of adoption at the shelter are fairly slim and the local breed rescue has as many heartworm positive animals as they can handle. Can we dedicate the space to hold her for an extended length of time when we are getting more than twenty animals every day, healthy puppies and young adults who are very cute and not sick?

Yesterday the veterinary staff and I made the decision that we should euthanize Fiona. I asked only that we wait till the end of the day and that I hold her while she was euthanized. I had a series of difficult personnel meetings to get through first. I took Fiona to the clinic late yesterday and sat on the floor to talk with her and hold her. Living with her for six weeks and watching her care for her puppies had created a close bond. For the first time I had tears running down my face while at the office. It felt like we had just used her until she had done her job nursing the pups and was now expendable. I looked at Dr. P and she looked at me. AK, LM and JS were there ... and we couldn't do it. We had gotten too close - she had become a fixture in the building and a favorite of the staff. Several of them had taken turns walking her several times each day.

So I took Fiona home last night. She walked out the front door and ran for my car. She trotted in front of me this morning on our way in and she is now sitting at my feet along with Georgie and my own two chocolate labs. There are more hard decisions to come - some will be as difficult to face as yesterday's. All I can hope for is the instinct and the courage to make the right ones.